Im keeping this general so no one can really know what is happening right now, but its bad.
I need to know, is it better to do something bad and be happy with the person who makes you happiest even though its irresponsible and going to hurt you later, or to say fuck it and keep suffering with no change in anything, to go with what you really really wanna do or to keep trying to just stay away and stop thinking even though it wont happen?
I really really wanna do the irresponsible thing, to go and be a dumb kid for a few hours of my life, but i just cant if its going to make me fall deeper into this death trap. Is it going to make me want to